Personal comments

I had initially tried not to write too often on this site, staying out
of the way for others to write their memories. I have an endless
supply of memories and I could write all day every day if I am not
careful. :-) I don't normally comment directly to people that have
written on here, but this is a good time to start. As sad as it is to
talk about, and I probably wont do it again on here, I want to answer
Katie.

Katie, thank you for sharing all the things that you did. Please
don't feel bad that you didn't come see Pam in the hospital. She
was very sick and company was discouraged. Her immune
system was at rock bottom with the severe case of mono that she had,
plus the strong meds she was taking to suppress her immune system as
needed for her Crohn's Disease. All of us, including Pam herself and
her many doctors, were anxious about people coming to see her because
she certainly didn't want to catch anything else not being able to
fight off any kind of new infections. The Infectious Disease doctors
even had to ban flowers from her room, and we had to wear masks some
of the time when visiting. We didn't find out about the lymphoma until
5 weeks after being admitted, 3 weeks before she passed away. Then we
had to be even more careful due to the chemo.

I want you to know that she had every intention of coming home
and of seeing all of you again. Everyone of you. She was fighting
this. We all were. She had the best doctors you could ever find
treating her around the clock. She was busy every day with numerous
tests and experimental treatments and invasive procedures and drugs
of all kinds. None of it could stop what happened, the lymphoma was
very aggressive. Very quickly her organs just started shutting down
one by one, ending up on dialysis and a ventilator, and probably around
50 transfusions during those 8 weeks. It was so very heartbreaking.

Sorry.... sigh... The tears still flow so easily and freely.

I look back at Pam's beautiful life and feel her influence all around
me. She lives on in so many hearts and in so many lives of those she
touched. God wants us to reflect His love to the world. I have never
seen a life that reflected God's love more than Pam's. What an honor
to have been by her side from her first day to her last. My heart
still breaks, but my love for Pam still grows. It is alive and well.

Betty Darnell