Dear Darnell family,

I'm without words still, almost a year after Pam's death. I cannot offer
you the part of my heart she shared, I can't find it yet, but I am looking.
Through my search, I wanted to share some important memories with you of
Pam. Feel free to omit some of the more sensitive ones on the website, but
they are for your sakes that I share them with you. The first bits are from
letters she's shared with the accountability girls, mentions of her family.
I hope you will always be reassured of her love for you.

"My dad still has not found a job, but there are new opportunities popping
up all the time. He had one interview today and has another one Friday. I am
amazed that he hasn�t gotten too frustrated, or at least he doesn�t show it
if he is. Most of the jobs he�s applying for are in NC or a bordering state,
but he has to keep expanding the search. Like last week he interviewed in
St. Louis, Missouri, and applied yesterday to a job in Denver, Colorodo ...
Those places would be great but hoo boy it would be pretty far from GWU. I�m
just praying that God will put us where we need to be and that it will work
out for the best. " --June 20, 2002

"hey ladies! i am getting more and more excited about going back to school!
and i can't wait to hear all about your summers and tell you about mine. yay
this is the most excited i have ever been in my LIFE about going back to
school! hahaha :) well elizabeth and i will be taking leanne's place in her
old room, stroup 302 (thanks again leanne!) and i forgot our phone number,
but if molly and jasmine's is 4006 i guess ours is 4005? that sounds right.
haha i'm sorry, elizabeth maybe you can tell us if you know. i hope you all
have a wonderful night, and i'll see you soon! you guys rock and i'm so glad
we've been able to keep in touch! God bless!
pamela :)" --August 6, 2002

Some of my thoughts...
Have you heard "Untitled Hymn" by Chris Rice? This line really reminds me
of Pam... I was going to find the part that touched me most, but in
retrospect, I remember her in all of the bits; how she was brave amidst all
of her experiences at college and the pain she underwent. I remember
bringing her frozen yogurt from the caf when she was hurting. I hurt too
sometimes, and it helps me to be brave knowing how she was brave too. When
Chris sings the part about dancing, I remember the night we went to the
international dance. It was a really small group, but Nisreen taught us to
dance. After that night, I remember many, many dance parties in the Attic
of Decker, how sometimes Elizabeth and Pam would have drive-by dancings
where they would run into rooms of people playing music... Especially with
the residents that were not very social.

I don't know what it was like in the hospital with Pam right before she
died. I think that's one of the things I regret most. I live in
Hillsborough, and I had the opportunity to see her. I didn't. I thought
she'd just get better like the other times she was sick. It wasn't until it
was too serious for her to have guests that I realized what I'd done. I had
a chance to see her, but I didn't. I will regret that until I see her in
heaven. I have been embarassed to talk about it, because I feel so ashamed
that I didn't put a girl who I prayed for every week for four years high
enough on my list of priorities. I am so sorry. I am also so very sorry
that I have not sent you this letter sooner. I still don't really know how
to handle this. I am crushed and I think of her very often.

Pam taught me "the best hug ever." The huggee had to be completely at rest
for this to work. When the hugger came up to them, it was a surprise to
have one's arms thrown above one's head and arms tightly wrapped around
one's waist. Those were amazing hugs.

While we were driving back from Elizabeth�s birthday party, Pam and I turned
off the radio and jammed to the rings of our cell phones. We liked
listening to Trepak, a Russian song from Fantasia.

There are so many other memories that I�ll pass on to you as they come up.
As for now, thank you for sharing your daughter with me for that time. She
is priceless.

Katie O�Neill