Remembering Pamela

When you get to college, you quickly realize the whole experience is about more than just going to class.  It is, however, wholly about learning.  Nearly everyone you meet will end up teaching you something about yourself. 

    My sophomore year, I moved into Myers and joined a small devotional/ accountability group with other girls on my hall.  Pamela was our leader.  Her passion and optimism and thirst for God's word led us all to become better people and form friendships that support us all daily.  But I learned more than Bible verses from Pam. 

    I've had rheumatoid arthritis (RA) since I was young.  During the fall semester, due to stress and infections, I was very sick.  I was also very angry.  Young people aren't supposed to be sick.  They certainly aren't supposed to stay sick.  But there I was.  High fever, upset stomach, blurry vision.  Doctor's appointment after doctor's appointment while trying to maintain some level of functioning when it came to academics.  No one understood how felt.  Except Pamela.  Pamela knew.  And she made it bearable.  When a lingering infection settled in my digestive track, I was forced to adopt a diet similar to Pam's.  We'd settle down in the caf with our puny looking sandwiches when there was nothing else our tummies could handle.  We joked about being born old and sounding like geriatrics with our aches and pains.  We discussed treatment options.  We half-heartedly worried about steroids getting us buff.  We begrudgingly laughed about embarrassing medical procedures involving scopes.  We shared the joy of having a 'good day' and the agony of bad test results.  We confessed our fears.  We prayed together that God's 'strength would be perfected in our weakness.'

    All this time, I marveled at Pamela's unyielding faith.  The way she handled life was awe-inspiring. I believed chronic illness was a punishment.  Pamela saw it as opportunity from God.  "You aren't being punished.  You're being prepared."  These words are in the front of my Bible, written in Pamela's loopy cursive.  For her there wasn't always health but there was always faith.  Pamela taught me how to have faith in a plan I don't understand or even like.  She taught me how to suffer the injustice of illness with dignity.  Pamela taught me how to trust God and serve others.  She was more than my friend.  Pamela Darnell was my greatest teacher.

 

    Pamela's death is unfair and devastating. In the wake of the doubts and the anger I read over and over:  "You aren't being punished.  You're being prepared."

 

With love,

Cherish Wilson