All Things Pamela

 

Happy Birthday, my sweet Pamela! I plan to have a whole day of All Things Pamela in your honor. Ben is home for your birthday, too. He planned this trip to be here so we could all be together to share the day in any way we can. We want to remember and laugh and cry and feel our way along together through this second birthday without you physically here with us. But, oh, how you are with us in spirit! You fill this house, our hearts and our lives with all that you still are to us.

You probably get a kick out of something I do sometimes. There have been many times in these past months when I hear or see something that I absolutely have to share with you. It happens sometimes when I hear something really funny or something really wonderful. For example, recently I heard by email from a dear friend of yours. They were sharing a wonderful secret. I couldn't finish the email and jumped up and paced with this uncontrollable urge to share this moment with you before reading more. Sometimes that feeling is so hard to put into a corresponding action. So I gathered up all of your stuffed monkeys off your bed and lined them up on the couch beside me before reading the rest. :-) We all shared the moment together. I do that a lot. Silly, maybe, but very "Pamelish". :-) Your monkeys get lots of hugs from me for you now.

You know how we would love to sit out on the deck and watch the stars and planes, even if it was cold? We would take a blanket out back and stretch out in the deck chairs and talk as we watched the planes go silently way up high. We would always wonder where the people were going on each plane, and what their story was. One of the benefits of not having a lot of tall trees around a new house is a vast amount of sky you can see, and such a good view of so many stars. Your last year here with us was when we spent the most time noticing the stars and planes. We would love to sit outside as the sun set and see the sun glinting off of planes way up high after the sun had set where we sat. I still always think of you as I see a plane go above and wonder where the people are going, and what their story is. And I wonder if you know. :-)

Guess what I finally did this week. Listen to a Norah Jones song. I haven't been able to do that without you. I had even quietly left stores if they played her songs during this last year and four months. It would just be too hard, since you and I learned to love her music together. I haven't been able to listen to any Frank Sinatra either. It is so cool that you liked him so much! Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James... all the classics. I don't know if I will ever be able to listen to My Boo again. I plan to try more songs this next week. (baby steps, I suppose, but taking things like that slow seem to help.) You and I loved to share music so much that it's hard to listen to all those songs, but I want to still do that. It will make me feel close to you. The only song from your iTunes that I have been able to listen to is Louis Armstrong's "Wonderful World". It always makes me cry, but I don't care. (Crying is an important part of my life now.... I need it.) I think of that song every time I sit at the cemetery. It's so peaceful there. I thank God for that.

And how I love seeing people enjoying your new renovated Springs on campus! Almost every time I go by there, there are people reading or walking or sitting and talking on one of the benches. The ducks and geese run to me for their bread they know I always bring them. The fountain sprays and splashes happily just like you. :-) We will spend part of the day there "looking" for you in all things beautiful.

I will be remembering that sweet October 22nd morning when you were born. I will be laughing at all the funny things I can remember, and all the hilarious things you would say! I will continue to be so proud of you in every single way, Honey. And most of all, I will be deeply missing my soul mate, my best girlfriend, my angel. Happy birthday, Lady Bug. I love you so very much and it only grows every day. We all love you and we all miss you so very much, you just can't imagine how much.... Sigh. ......

(If possible, take a peek in the next plane that flies by up there for me. ;-) (wink))

Love and kisses and lots and lots of big hugs,
Mom