Remembering Pam. Today and every day.

I remember it like it was yesterday. But it's been a year. And still, thinking about that day, those last weeks of Pam's precious life, made the tears flow today.

I wish I was lucky enough to have known Pam while I was growing up, or at least earlier in her life, so that I could have had more time with her. She truly was the most inspiring person I've ever met. I do, of course, consider myself lucky for having known her at all, even if for just a short time. She was my patient in GI clinic at UNC. But she was so much more than just a patient. Any day that I saw her name on my clinic schedule, I knew would be a good day. Because no matter what else the day had in store for me, Pam's radiant smile would make it all ok. She was so full of life and energy and always so positive and full of faith and hope, even when things were at their worst. After a room full of doctors sat with her while we broke the news to her about her cancer (several of us in tears ourselves!), she thought for a moment, and said "well, I guess I was meant to be a cancer survivor." She was truly amazing.

During Pam's stay at UNC, just about every doctor and nurse that worked there helped take care of her at some point. And not a soul was left untouched. Teams of doctors would rotate on and off service every 2 weeks, but even after they went off service, so many of them came back to visit because they cared so deeply for Pam and her family. She just had that kind of effect on people. I, for one, was not willing to accept that Pam's illness could possibly be fatal. Even when other physicians would express concerns that Pam might not make it, I just couldn't wrap my mind around that. How could that be? That just was not allowed. She was my favorite patient, so young and vibrant, with SO much to offer this world. When I admitted her to the hospital, it was supposed to just be for a few days, to get some fluids, some medicine, and then go home and recover. I was blindsided by the turn of events. I still can't really accept it.

Several months ago, I was driving to the airport on I-40 at about 5am. I started thinking about Pam, and how unfair it is that she was taken from this earth too soon. The tears were flowing. And then, in the sky above, I suddenly saw a shooting star fall to the earth. It was as if Pam was up there saying "It's ok! I'm in this great place now, and I'm watching over you all! Don't be sad!" It was an amazing moment.
When I was talking with a friend of mine about Pam and her passing, he said "Don't you think that some people are just too good for this world?" And I think he must be right. She was an angel. Is an angel.

Although she is gone, her spirit IS alive and well in every person that she touched during her short life here in this world. Judging from this website and the outpouring of love, I know that is a LOT of people.

Pam, you are loved and dearly missed.

Sincerely,

Michelle Thiny